Future vintage curio

The other week someone commented that it was "quaint" that I had a library card.

I think I had a similar response when my best-friend was house-sitting for this guy and she found a stash of porn magazines under his couch. Who buys porn magazines anymore?

lacklustre

Obviously the correct spelling is 'lolz'

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SUPERFLUOUS APOSTROPHES APPEAR IN THE BANNER ADS OF NATIONAL TELECOMMUNICATION NETWORKS

Is temporally compartmentalising yourself is the first step to madness?

Dear My Future Self (circa 7:30am tomorrow morning),


You are probably feeling very tired because you are sleep deprived and have a heinously early start to get to a location even more north of Sydney than North Sydney. Why are you sleep deprived? Because I -- your own self, from less than seven hours ago -- did my (your) groceries at an abysmally late hour, then dropped into Kmart to buy tupperware and an eyelash curler, then filled up at a petrol station several suburbs away, and then drove to the foreshore for no real reason.


Mostly though, you are tired because the internet is a vast and unceasing terrian in which you have easily lost months of your life.


For instance, tonight you sacrificed an entire hour to figuring out which Miss America contestant you would be supporting this year. Because you're into intellectual pursuits like that. You decided on Miss Massachusetts based solely on the title of her platform issue; Smart Smiles: Promoting the Importance of Oral Health. And here you were thinking world peace was the only platform worth wearing sparkly, sparkly evening gowns for in a competitive context.


You have my deepest apologies for the lack of sleep.


Regards,
Your Former Self (circa midnight)




P.S. You ran out of coffee yesterday, so you'll actually have to wake up even earlier to get to a cafe and make sure you can be caffeinated enough to last the whole day. I could have fixed this for you by buying more beans today, but I forgot.

Things that would be nifty to temporarily tattoo on your face before you travelled long distances:

And look where that got them

"The only reason they say that 'Bill posters will be prosecuted' is because they didn't want to say 'Poster posters will be prosecuted'. They probably thought that phrase would be ceaselessly mocked."

I guess a lot of people had to be hurt before they thought of making this sign