Tony Jones is the host of Q&A, the live panel show which regularly features politicians and social commentators, among celebrities, authors, academics and the like. Jones is renowned for countering unwieldy audience questions with, "I'll take that as a comment," in order to keep the show to time. It's totally fair, of course; live television is a beast I would dare not tackle in my wildest dreams. But whenever I watch Q&A all I can think about is my imagined life as a retail assistant (I could never actually do retail because you deal with a whole different level of crazy than you do in most other forms of work; I think I prefer being the crazy one in general social interactions) in which Tony Jones and I engage in the following scenario:
TONY: Excuse me, could you tell me whether you have those thongs that are also bottle openers?
ME: Oh my God. You're Tony Jones.
TONY: Yes, I am. Err, so do you stock the botte opener thongs?
ME: I'm sorry Tony; I'll have to take that as a comment not a question.
TONY: Oh, come on woman! You think you're the only one to say that to me? You should hear my wife! I ask her, 'Do we have any dip left in the fridge?' 'I'll take that as a comment Tony.' You people need to find something new!
[Extended pause]
ME: We have normal bottle openers and we have normal thongs... I can glue them together if you like?
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